return my video game
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize