I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
