he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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