his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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