He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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