i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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