I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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