i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this beer tastes like vomit already
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
