And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize