I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
