scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
