If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
