CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
