im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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