Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
