i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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