He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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