Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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