I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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