Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
