Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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