can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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