Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
