How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
