office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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