No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
