Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
