so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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