I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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