Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
