stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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