Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
