Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
