She said her name was "party"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
