I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
