Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize