I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
