If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
