they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize