Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
