Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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