Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
