Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
