I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
