i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
