WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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