I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize