currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
