the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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