everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
