32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
