And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
