I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
