Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
