how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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