Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
