and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
