When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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