How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
