It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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