he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
