please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
