you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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