I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize