i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize